I had not planned to go home this year. My grandmother’s illness was diagnosed around May and dragged on until Spring Festival. My mother wanted us to come back and see her; she said that once the old woman was gone, they would rarely go home either. Jasmine was not exactly enthusiastic, but she came along, and I was grateful for that.
The first task was tickets. At first I did not even think we could get any. I tried for days; whenever tickets were released they disappeared immediately. Then someone mentioned ticket-grabbing software. I entered a date and left it there without much hope, but it actually snagged a sleeper from Longchuan to Huangchuan. That got my enthusiasm up. The return tickets were harder. I set the software for transfer plans through Longchuan, Zhangzhou, Ganzhou, and Nanchang, and tried for days with no luck. Jasmine said that if we could not get return tickets, we would not go. In the end my brother-in-law got them after switching among several apps; mine got nothing. It seems different apps really do differ. During the Spring Festival travel rush, use the software—buying in person is just too hard.
On February 2 we took the sleeper, a 13:20 train. We left home at noon and took a taxi to the station; it took about ten minutes. We reached Longchuan close to five, got off to eat, and found a Wallace. It was my first time there and I assumed it would be about like KFC. It was nowhere close. The chicken leg was fried black, the wings were burnt, and the potato sticks were as thick as fingers and very salty. The only advantage was that it was cheap.
After eating we went back to the station waiting hall. After more than an hour we boarded the 8:20 train. Alice could not sleep. She stayed awake until after eleven, woke again at twelve, watched cartoons until three, and finally slept. At six the carriage lights came on and many people got up. Alice wanted to keep sleeping, but it was too noisy.
We got off a little after eleven. Grandpa and Grandma were already waiting outside. They took us home, and after lunch we slept until five. In the evening we had dinner at my third aunt’s house.
The next day was New Year’s Eve. I went with my father to burn paper money at my grandparents’ graves; I had not been back for many years. After lunch I washed and washed my hair. When I got up in the afternoon I felt a bit unwell, as if I had caught a chill. Dinner was with the neighbors. Afterward we set off fireworks. We had meant to watch the Spring Festival Gala, but Elsa and Alice did not want to; they insisted on cartoons. We watched until nine, were too sleepy, and went to bed.
On the first day of the new year, my parents slept downstairs because the ground floor was a shop front and had to open early. They got up at 6:30, and we followed a little after seven. By nearly ten our relatives had started arriving to pay New Year calls, and then we went with them to visit relatives. We had lunch at home.
On the second day my sister’s family came to pay New Year calls. After lunch they insisted on going to the county town to play. I did not go; I knew without opening my eyes that there was nothing much to do. They left after one and were back by two. They said it was too cold and there was nothing to do; they had only walked on the bridge by the river.
On the third day we went to my grandmother’s in the morning. She was very thin, but her hands were warm and her thinking was clear. There was nothing we could do about her illness, and I did not know what to say. We told her to eat whatever she wanted, but that was just talk. She had worked hard all her life and had not had many good days. At noon my family had a relatives’ gathering, so we did not stay long at Grandma’s.
At lunch five of us cousins sat together. We did not eat much; the main topic was who would care for my third uncle. He and his wife had no children, and when he was sick there was no one to look after him. We talked until five in the afternoon and finally settled that the eldest cousin would take care of him, and that my uncle’s only property, the house he lived in, would go to him.
That evening we went to my sister’s family home to pay New Year calls. We talked for a long time, and the children were happy together.
On the fourth day it began to snow in the morning. We went to the county town to visit relatives and hit four houses in one go. We came back after lunch; it was too cold. At noon we packed to return to Shantou. We left Alice’s clothes, formula, and diapers behind. I felt a lot of reluctance, but there was no other way. My grandmother needed care, my parents could not leave, and Alice had to stay in the hometown.
By evening the snow was heavier. A neighbor relative invited us to dinner. Afterward we set off fireworks for a long time.
On the fifth day my sister’s family was going back to Beijing in the morning; the snow on the road had not fully melted. At noon my mother got word that my grandmother was failing and hurried over. In the evening we cooked for ourselves. After dinner Jasmine put Alice’s things back into the suitcase; we would take her with us. Fortunately she did not need a ticket on the train, or we would never have managed to buy one at the last minute.
On the sixth day we got up at six, ate noodles, and reached the station by seven. We waited in the car until 8:30 before going into the waiting room. The train was twenty minutes late. Since the connection to the next train was only an hour, I was worried, but in the end it was only half an hour late and we made it. While rushing for the train, Jasmine dropped a bag of food under the train. The staff were nervous, thinking a child had fallen. In the end they hooked it out with a pole, so we still had dinner.
The temporary train had no air conditioning. Each carriage had only one pot of hot water, which cooled quickly. I hurriedly made two bowls of instant noodles. After eating we were still cold, so Jasmine and I went to the dining car and bought a boxed meal for 30 yuan: one chicken leg, some green peppers, and a little pickled mustard tuber. It was not good. I had thought Alice would be difficult to get to sleep, but she fell asleep at ten and slept until seven.
A little after eight we stepped onto Shantou soil. It felt good—not cold at all.
This Spring Festival trip was, above all, cold. I kept sitting in bed to stay warm. I got two things done: discussed my third uncle’s situation and saw my grandmother. I do not know how long it will be before I go back again.
The hometown has barely changed in all these years; there are just a few more new buildings. Overall it is still backward. In high school I used to imagine that once the county railway was connected there would be big development—factories built, roads widened—and I even thought about going home to work. After all these years away, my feeling is that rather than clinging to the hope that a place will develop, it is better to change yourself and go somewhere better. If you want to make money, you still have to go out, to the big cities and coastal areas. Wages are higher there, and living costs are not that much more expensive than in the hometown. If you economize, you can save. In the hometown you earn little, and the money spent on gifts over the year is not small. After several years away, I want to go back less and less.