You ask where I work? I work for a company whose business is making people work overtime—and do it well. We've developed an entire system of overtime solutions using advanced technology. They're in use across every department, indispensable.
Since I'm on overtime now, I can show you around.
The tube beside my seat is a feeding tube that replaces food and drink. In traditional work, lunch ate up the noon break and wasted overtime. People snacked at desks, more waste. Now it's dinner. The tube gets to work. Open the zipper on my mouth, guide it in—past the gag reflex—near the throat, and liquid nutrition flows directly into my stomach. Health companies designed it to deliver fullness and nutrients as fast as possible; one meal equals three. While feeding, I can keep my eyes on the screen and finish work.
See? Done, discard it, zip the mouth shut. Don't find it strange—it stops us wasting time yawning or sighing. We can still speak through the artificial vocal cords beside it.
Not a moment lost. While explaining, I ate and revised several pages. Next, this big thing: artificial oxygen pump, used to prohibit breathing. Based on old dialysis systems, a huge simulated lung and special artificial blood inject three times the oxygen. The dark red tube behind my back carries blood about to leave my body.
Young interns may still make ugly breathing noises, but old employees used to pumps can greatly raise efficiency in the quiet after losing breath. You might ask, doesn't breathing leave work unaffected? Quite the opposite. Native respiratory system too inefficient to supply enough oxygen to brain, hurting attention and thought speed. To borrow a computer term, oxygen pump is for overclocking. Breathing also occupies large cerebellum and spinal cord compute units. Cancel breathing, try to bring them into thinking system, improve overtime efficiency. Also prevents group suffocation when ventilation forgotten.
Why not try? Oh, don't make that face. After initial pain, oxygen-pump breathing is pleasant. I haven't moved my nose and lungs in ages; haven't left this seat in ages.
Going home after work? Ha, you're funny. A few thousand workdays ago maybe a handful of employees squandered time on 'going home', but now it's in legal code as a crime.
How do I use toilet? Hahaha, you should apply as professional joke developer. As you can see, we long ago excised the native visceral system. What's installed now is a digestive system taken from sterile piglets via gene customization. Here, let me pull it out—don't worry, for maintenance our bodies can be opened freely. This little stomach and short intestine are all digestive organs. They break nutrient liquid into sugar fast and send it into body. Residue goes out through this tube attached to my backside. You ask why not inject a liquid directly? That's one of new technologies under research; likely soon.
While chatting I revised doc three versions. As you can see, I can work and gesture with hands free—thanks to two mechanical arms under armpits. For overtime, I removed legs and feet to avoid unnecessary leg shaking interfering efficiency. To use brain regions formerly responsible for legs, I applied for these arms. At first felt like writing with feet; now they obey like fingers.
There are many such devices, collectively 'Integrated Overtime Environment Maintenance System'. It includes multiple life-support systems maintaining employee health to help them overtime better. As you see, four hands work, electronic vocal cords speak. Removed eyeballs connected to simulated visual nerve signals; artificial cerebrospinal fluid washes continuously to preserve energy, no sleep. We don't need eat/drink/excrete/sleep/rest; truly round-the-clock overtime.
Other departments approach overtime from other angles.
AI department built auxiliary robots. They work in workshops/factories—mainly massage shoulders, serve meals, or... crack whips. Why not let robots work? Sorry, overtime is sacred; any attempt to conduct overtime work by other means receives severe legal punishment.
Law and sociology developed social-level overtime aids. For instance, rapid motivation tool based on successology, codename 'Chicken Soup', widely effective. During overtime some employees with generous aids still don't want overtime. This is called lying flat; we make legal tools against it. For those truly unable to overtime, passively evading or slacking—called 'rotting' employees—we have mature automated brainwashing tools, using psychological suggestion or spiritual pressure to return them to proper overtime track.
Media and superstructure department constructs overtime religion or overtime-ism memes for spread. Finance keeps adjusting currency prices and business strategy so we can't repay debt and can overtime more. Engineering builds new towers, production workshops, infrastructure day and night. Admin handles most important flexible scheduling and regulation; they are true overtime elites. If they detect work shortage, or overtime about to end, they rush to add more tasks.
Tech department explores new frontier. Biology researches mass supply of cloned organs to help overtime workers achieve immortality—that is, forever employment. Biochemistry proposes neurostimulants to eliminate reluctance and post-overtime fatigue. Advanced physics group tries to build special field generator for dimensional warping under relativity, so same workspace can hold as many employees as possible, raising global overtime population cap. Cosmology keeps launching rockets; goal artificial black hole, using time dilation near black hole to multiply time flow of world outside observer. They want to launch management near event horizon. By their standard, global overtime rate approaches infinity.
That's about it. Interested in our overtime system, or joining? Oh, what do I do? While explaining, I revised tomorrow's morning meeting report over a hundred times; 2,300 more. After that, tomorrow's noon meeting report...
Your last question? Why do I work overtime? Simple. To buy these overtime support devices and daily health maintenance, I owe company a lot. Need more overtime to earn it back.